Bringing the girls into the world…

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I want to start this off by saying, the girls birth was not magical. I wouldn’t even say seeing them for the first time was (especially since that was at 2am, on drugs, while Jay was in the NICU facetiming me). But I’m getting ahead of myself. Now that we are out of the woods, and all of this feels like a distant memory, I thought I would share our birth story…

We found out we were having twins at my first doctor’s appointment. I was 8 weeks along and there they were, two little black dots. I had no idea what the nurse was showing me, and was in shock for probably a full 2 weeks after. If you google anything about early twin pregnancy (don’t!) it basically says you will be lucky if they make it and one will probably disappear, it’s terrifying. But we made it! I wasn’t sick, I was tired, but otherwise feeling really great. There were some weird pregnancy things going on, but nothing alarming or really that odd.

Since there were two, we had to go into Boston (an hour with traffic) every week for an ultrasound and appointment with the high risk office. This was intense, and each week brought with it a new worry. Everly (Baby 1 at the time) was smaller, significantly. But each week they grew, and even if it was only a little, everyone was growing! Then at week 32, my blood pressure started creeping up, slowly but surely. The doctor sent me home to do a 24 hour urine test starting Tuesday morning.

So here I am, collecting all this pee (gross sorry!), and starting to feel, just, off. When we first found out about there being two, the biggest worry I had was how could my body do it? I couldn’t imagine sustaining one baby let alone two in my body. And at 33 weeks pregnant, HUGE (everything was huge, my legs, ankles, face…everything), I finally was feeling that my body couldn’t do this much longer.

Right, so it is now Wednesday morning, and it is my last collection of the 24 hours around 6am. I go downstairs, do my thing, and come back up to get in bed for a little bit. I sit down in bed and Bam(!), I think my bladder has finally had it with the pressure, but no, after about 10 seconds I realize it’s my water breaking. So of course I scream “JAY!”. I call the doctor, email my boss, call my parents, and we are off to the hospital to see what is going on.

When we get to the hospital, I got checked in and immediately my blood pressure was being monitored…and it was high, and going up. At this point all the doctors (and their teams of students, so many people constantly in my room) weren’t sure if I was even going to deliver that day, and with the girls being only 33 weeks they wanted to keep them in as long as possible. After a move upstairs to L&D, and a quick blood test, they were positive, the babies were coming that day.

I started having contractions (which were horrible, of course) and then at 3:00pm we were on our way to have the c-section. The c-section was probably the easiest part of all of this. You can’t feel a thing, except some bizarre tugging, plus there are doctors all over telling you everything is going great. And then, 3:26 there comes Baby 1, and 3:27 Baby 2. Everyone kept asking us their names and we had no idea still (at this point they were potentially Penelope and Beatrix. for real.).IMG_6536

The girls each had their own team of pediatricians and nurses in the delivery room, and I only saw them for less than 1 second before they were rushed off and down to the NICU. In the meantime, I am getting put back together while trying to figure out names with Jay. I’m so drugged up at this point I have no idea how bad the incisions were about to feel in a few hours.

When we get back to the L&D room, I was put on magnesium to make sure I didn’t have a stroke. My BP was 190/110, and all the doctors were calm but concerned. Anyone who has ever been on magnesium knows what this is like, but it is the absolute worst. It gets worse the longer you are on it, and feels like the most horrible hangover ever. You can’t see straight or focus, your head feels like a million pounds, and nothing is exactly clear that is going on around you. On top of all this there are teams of doctors coming in and out, my bp being constantly monitored, the pain medication they gave me didn’t work (thank god for the nurse who finally got the doctor to give me something different), and worst of all, worse than any pain or fear of what was going on with my body was, I couldn’t see the girls.

Finally sometime in the middle of the night Jay was able to go down to the NICU and facetime me so I could see our, still nameless, babies (the names were finally decided sometime in the middle of the night). And then around 3am, I was brought down to the NICU to see my little babies (only 3lbs) in containers where I could only touch there little hands for a second through a hole.

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The days that followed were equally as intense. My BP wasn’t dropping so I was put on round the clock medications and IVs. I was draining all the fluid from my body (10 liters in 12 hours), I had to pump every 3 hours to send whatever I could get down to the NICU for the girls, and I couldn’t sit/stand/walk for days.

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We did manage to get down to the NICU each day to see the girls, which had its own difficulties. I wanted to be with them so badly, to have them in my room, to breastfeed them like everyone else gets to with their newborns, but none of that was going to be our experience.

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After my hospital stay it wasn’t much easier at home. I had to have visiting nurse service come every day to take my BP. I was re-admitted to the hospital after being home for 4 days for my eclampsia on the same day the girls were scheduled to be transferred to a hospital closer to our new house (yea, we moved 3 weeks before this!). But without fail, Jay and I got up and drove 45 minutes to the NICU to see those girls each and every day.

At this point I was still on a ton of medication…pain meds, 3 blood pressure meds, and meds to drain the fluid. And of course, waking up every 3 hours still to pump. Each day I would have a mini (yea, not mini, massive) breakdown about not having the girls home. Not having them with us was so difficult and went against every single instinct my body was telling me.

The NICU though, was amazing. The care and compassion of the nurses there is an experience that can’t be matched. They walked us through everything, took the best care of our girls, gave us reports every day on the phone before we came in, and constantly made us feel we were doing the best job we could. When the girls were first brought down to the NICU we were told they most likely would be there until their true due date (8/22) which would be almost 2 months later….

But those babie are troopers! After a little over 3 weeks, we had Vanessa home, and a few days later we had Everly (she had to get to 4lbs). Not to say everything was a walk in the park, but having them home with us was so exciting I didn’t mind any of it. The girls were on a 3 hour schedule and since they were so small that meant waking them in the middle of the night (3,6,9,12,3,6,9,12 – all day everyday) to eat.

Meanwhile, my bp was still pretty crazy. I had doctors’ appointments constantly to check it and was on medication until just a few weeks ago! I still have to home monitor, but it is nothing like it was in the beginning, and neither are those babies! When the girls came home, all skin and bones, it was hard to imagine them getting bigger or filling out…and now, 6 months later, we have two growing, thriving, giggly, rolling, happy babies, who are the greatest people I’ve ever met.

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We have pictures of them from the NICU on the fridge that both Jay and I look at in disbelief of who they were when they came into this world, and the circumstances we all found ourselves in. I think the thing I feel most looking at those pictures is thankful. Thankful for Jay who was there for me in ways I couldn’t imagine needing him, thankful for the doctors who took care of not only my girls but me, thankful for our family who was there for both of us, and mostly thankful to see those little faces every day home, healthy, and loved.

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Xo – J

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New York I Love You

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I can’t believe that tomorrow night I will get on a train, leave my job, family, the city, and go start our new life in Mass.  I’m beyond excited and wildly nervous all at the same time.  So many huge changes are ahead of us…

The past couple weeks I have been trying to appreciate New York as much as I possibly can.  Walking to work instead of taking the subway, looking up at buildings, and pretending to be a tourist everywhere I go. New York, thank you for everything you have given me…my first real job, where, hey, I ended up meeting my future husband, my first apartment, meeting some of my best friends, the crazy weekends and weeknights out way too late…if I named everything I love we would be here for a month.  NY, I will miss you, but it’s time to go…

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xo always and forever ny – j

 

 

 

 

happy

Yea, that isn’t true…I have not been happy this week.  Work has been a bit of a nightmare…ok a lot of a nightmare.  I try not to whine on here, but man, how is it not Friday yet?  And poor Jay has been having a rough one too.  We are both ready for a relaxing weekend together…big time.

Anyways, on weeks like this, where all I want to do is close my eyes and have it all stop, I try to remember everything around me that does make me happy…

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(the fact that my nails look like a 14 year old)

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(the celtics killing it the past 2 games!)

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(this little babe)

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(that even when you are stuck in traffic here, at least there is a beautiful view)

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(last but not least, the fact that this amazing picture exists and i call this person one of my best friends…my lord…i’m obsessed with this picture)

Here’s hoping today and tomorrow are better than that last two days!

xo-j

Can’t stop

Things I can’t stop obsessing over today…

How badly these hurt my feet…IMG_6731[1]

The fact that we found and tried all 3 flavors…They weren’t going to be sold in nyc but through some duane reade magic they were there yesterday.  Checked back today and they were gone 😦

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Chvrches new song (and old one too)

 

 

culinary institute

Last night my friend Erin and I took a wine, cheese, and meats of Italy class at the Institute of Culinary Education…it was so. much. fun.  We learned all about the different grapes, regions of Italy, the different textures, flavors, and aromas of not only the wine, but cheese and salumi.  We had a great time pairing the wine with the food (obviously), and learning at the same time!

Here are some pictures from our amazing class:

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(did you know all salami is salumi, but not all salumi is salami?!)

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(we had 10 different wines!)

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I would recommend this class to anyone!  I want to take so many more now! Thanks so much M&D for this great gift.

xo-j

birthday party

Well, the birthday is over and I made it out alive! I had such a great time on Friday and Saturday celebrating!  Friday was a snowy mess! I ate way too many treats, went out with friends from work, and then came home and hung out with poor sick Jay.  Saturday was my party at Spritzenhaus…what a great time!  Thank you to everyone who came!  I know Brooklyn isn’t always the easiest to get to and I really appreciate you all coming and partying the day away!  Here are (way too many) pictures from the past couple days…and yes, all the food was mine and eaten within 48 hours…

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(this is steve…my balloon animal. i loved him)

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Again, thank you everyone for making 27 such a great birthday!

(T&L thank you for coming all the way from DC, you two are the best!   I know how much you are dying to be thanked on this blog you love SO much Ty.)

xo-j

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my 27th birthday…and to be honest, I’m not all that thrilled.  I know that 27 is young, but I can’t believe how close I am to 30.  I’m as close to the age I started high school (which sometimes feels like yesterday) as I am to 40…ah!

So in the spirit of being an adult, whatever that means, I have made a list of 27 things that I want/need to do in my 27th year (and yes the entire list is me talking to myself)…

  1. Get Healthy – I have to go to the gym…or at least take yoga.  Ugh, I’m already not into it and I haven’t started.  Have to change that attitude.
  2. Disease – Just because you hear about a new disease on tv, or read about it on cnn, or sniffle, or have a pain in your arm, it doesn’t mean you are going to drop dead right? Yea, gotta work on telling myself that one.
  3. Mean – I need to work on not being so mean to the people I love most.  I have the tendency to overreact…big time.
  4. Facebook– I have to delete people who bother me on there.  Why do I allow myself to get so bothered by other people and what they are doing?  I need to make less time for this type of junk in my life.
  5. Cook – I have to start cooking more instead of ordering food out…we waste so much money on takeout.
  6. Right – It has come to my attention I am not always right?! What?!
  7. Read – Stop watching so much tvvvvvv!
  8. Hobby – I have to get a hobby…something that I like/want to do.  Even if it is knitting…idk, just something to do that is only for me.
  9. Friends – I need to see all of you so much more.
  10. Money – Apparently you can paint your nails at home?! I have to stop spending money I don’t have on manicures, lunch out, snacks…
  11. Wake up! – Stop sleeping until 8 and pressing snooze 4 times…just get up!
  12. Boozeeey – Probably don’t need to drink like I’m in college still on Saturday nights.
  13. Fight nice – I have to work on how I fight with Jay…seriously.  I need to learn to listen and not be so #3
  14. New York – Stop whining about NYC and start loving it.  I am always angry people aren’t walking fast enough, or moving the way I want them to, enjoy this city you are lucky to be in.
  15. Little things – I have to pick my battles and let little things go.  I don’t need to get so angry that the tourists want to take a picture of 30 rock when all I want to do is eat my lunch…I’ll get to lunch, even if it is 1 minute later, I’ll live.
  16. Phone – I am glued to my phone.  This has to stop.  I don’t need to be looking at it all the time, or have it on the table at dinner.
  17. Different things – Just because my friends want to do different things than me doesn’t mean what they are doing is wrong or not fun.
  18. New things – Go do some of the things with friends that you don’t really want to do…I bet in the end it will be fun.
  19. Green Juice/Dubstep/Quinoa – Stop getting so annoyed when people talk about these things and like them…who cares that they want to do a juice cleanse and instagram it? Let them live…no one is forcing you to like these things, so stop getting so annoyed by them.
  20. Rondo – Walk him in the early morning and late at night…it sucks, but you have to do it or he is always going to think the pee pad is ok.
  21. Cheerleader – Be a better cheerleader for everyone you love so much.
  22. Breathe – Breathe more at work instead of freaking out and getting so frustrated.  Take a breath and handle it.
  23. Fruit – Eat more fruit. It sucks, but you have to eat more fruit.
  24. Vitamins – Along with the fruit, get better about taking your stupid vitamins, it’s so easy!
  25. Like/Just/Yolo – STOP saying these words
  26. F.C.B.A.S. – Yea, you have to stop saying all the words those letters stand for so much too.
  27. Be Happy – I’m young, love Jay, my family, Rondo, where I live, I have a great job, yet I can cry and whine like no other.  Remember to be happy…

Alright there is my list, it was a lot to read and I doubt that anyone really cares except me.  That list is for after my birthday though…Today I’m going to eat, curse, drink, and yell at all of you!

xo-j

Surgery

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Friday I had a procedure done to help with my breathing, or lack of breathing!  Over the past couple months I haven’t been able to breathe well causing quite a lot of trouble for me physically and emotionally (I get so scared I won’t get air in!).  Hopefully now that the surgery is over, and once I have recovered, I will be good as new and breathing like a functioning human being again.

IMG_5302Thank God my Mom was here on Friday to help me!  I was a mess!  Bloody nose on the subway, felt like I had been punched 29058035 times in the face, and a bit out of it.  I couldn’t be more thankful to have had her with me, I’m a lucky kid…

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After the surgery Mom and I had lunch together at Forcella…it was just the medicine I needed.

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(proscuitto, arugula, parm, and mozz pizza…holy cow…and cute mama with her spin pizza!)

Since I couldn’t really go out this weekend, or drink, or stay out late, we had a lazy one.  We saw Zero Dark Thirty, ate a ton of delivery, and cuddled the boy…

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(hanging with my boys, and the absurd amount of snacks i ate saturday night)

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Now all I can do is hope I start to feel a big difference in my breathing and I’m good to go!

xo-j

 

What a week….

This has been one of, if not the, all time most stressful week at work…but thank heaven we have gone to print and this issue is over with!  Now I can get back to enjoying life…until we print again in 2 weeks ha!

With all the mania this week, there have been some things that have helped make it better…

(our tree is up and beautiful)

(candy cane kisses are back…and I think they are a suitable breakfast)

(obsession with brussel sprouts, 3 ft teddy my client sent me, my fav red dress perfect for holidays)

(our stockings! not exactly a fireplace but it’ll do!)

(this sweet babe snuggled under my sweater)

(that the mustache month is almost over and I’ll have my cute bf back!)

xo-j

Bangs / Bisque

Last night I had dinner with my Bug at Cafe Select.  Look how cute this place is (not to mention delicious)…

My lobster bisque had a lobster croissant in it!

And finally…finally…finally…look at my bangs, oh you don’t see them? YESSS!  Never again will I cut you bangs…well, until I cut you again..